Fancy tear drops stay put
Til no one’s around to
And I’m choking for
Tomorrow doesn’t come
It didn’t hurt anymore. The mere sound of his voice used to make my skin crawl as we walked into our front door every night. I didn’t want him to lie to me again. In fact, I had no interest in hearing even just the sound of his breath. She would sit in the living room waiting for him to return from a “long day’s work.” The plan was always the same. Wait for the truck to pull into the driveway. Run his bath. Pour him a short glass of scotch on the rocks. Remember to Smile. Say good night. Ask how his day was. Hang his jacket. Take of his dirty boots. Hand him his slippers. Wait for him to kiss her. Remember to smile. Hold onto him until he let go first. Kiss his hand.
Your bath is ready.
I was so tired of her routine. Her complacency was disgusting to watch. I’d wait until his shadow moved past my bedroom door then listen for the bathroom door to shut. There it was.
Danielle why are there rose petals in my f____ bath?
I wanted it to be special. I’m s____.
She was always apologizing for doing something that was way too nice for him. He didn’t appreciate the fact that she gave up her career to raise David and I. He didn’t appreciate that she hauled all day to make sure the house was perfect when he returned. He had no idea that she’d been taking cooking classes as a form of therapy until she finally caved and joined a support group for victims of domestic violence. All he cared about was the fact that she was home waiting on him and grovelling every chance she got because she loved him so much. Or maybe she was just afraid of what he’d do if she strayed from the routine. I could hear the sound of bathroom knickknacks being tossed as he grunted and cursed intently.
I’m so sorry.
I dashed out of my room to stop her from apologizing again. I just wanted to choke her. Why was she allowing him to treat her like his personal slave. She was better than that.
Mom! For God’s sake stop apologizing to him for doing something nice.
I could hear him rushing through the bathroom door towards me as I made it back into my room. Slam! That was the sound of my door in his face. He made me sick to death of him. I listened as he beat on the door repeatedly and wondered if tonight was the night we’d face off in front of her.
Open this door right now Anabel.
No F_____ Way Dad!
His shadow moved from under the door. He was giving up. I wasn’t ready to face that kind of rage. There was no telling what kind of damage I’d do if he so much as breathed too closely to me. I climbed into bed and peered out from under the covers in the still darkness of the room I used to share with David before he was diagnosed with Leukemia. His footsteps quickened in the hallway and the next thing I knew he was breaking down my door and rushing over to me. He lunged forward as I moved into the corned out of his reach and that’s when I took my chance. I’d been waiting all of my life to avenge her. This was my moment. I sobbed as he lay face down on my bed. My sheets were covered in what seemed to be all of the blood his body could hold. I wiped the sweat from my brow. I was bleeding too.
Anabel, what have you done?
I looked her square in the eyes and waited for her to try to admonish me. But the light in her eyes gave her away. We’d both been planning our escape individually since David died. But I beat her to it. It didn’t hurt anymore. I just felt numb all over. I
Mom, is this what freedom feels like?
I’m not sure.
He couldn’t hurt us anymore.
I was hurt the whole time. I just didn’t say anything. They both performed the best roles that they could. He was my best friend. And she was my girl. Whenever we were all in the same room; they immediately fell into their obvious roles. She wouldn’t look at him for more than a few seconds and he made sure to speak to her by talking to me about whatever he wanted to say.
She looks great tonight. You’re a lucky man.
No doubt, thanks man!
As soon as I left the room it was like our relationship didn’t exist. He’d be brushing her hair out of her face and whispering some sweet nothing to her like it was okay. That night he even stole a kiss; or maybe she freely gave one to him. The light in her eyes evaporated when she noticed I’d doubled back for my car keys. And he took his hands off of her, embarrassed, they were caught.
What’s up guys?
Take me home Johnny.
She had this pleading look in her eyes. I became paralyzed by the idea that she’d want to leave me for him. He was like the brother I’d never had. We played ball together for years; we were a team. He’d never crossed me. It was her fault.
I gave him a pound; then she wrapped fingers around my arm and we left the only party we went to that summer, early. I let her into the passenger side then hopped in and turned the key in the ignition. She leaned in towards me and kissed my cheek. My left hand began to tremble. Why she thought it was appropriate to kiss him the first chance she got and then put her cheating lips onto my skin was beside me. I brushed her off as I revved the engines.
Johnny, I’m sorry, I love you…
I switched the dashboard light on to get a good look at her face. Tears streamed down her face. Her nose was beat red and big green eyes were bloodshot. She leaned in again, but waited as she searched my face for a response. Was she off the hook?
Samantha, you’re drunk, it’s okay.
But it wasn’t okay. I’d been drunk enough times when I was surrounded by attractive women to know that being drunk wasn’t the problem so much as she was a cheater. I didn’t want to give her up, but I was no longer sure that she loved me as much as she claimed. She unbuckled her seat belt and climbed onto my lap. I turned the car off, then pulled her in as close to my body as I could. She began to sob incessantly as I held her. Maybe she really loved me. Maybe she was sorry about it.
Okay Samantha, let me take you home.
Take me to your place.
I’d been waiting for her to ask me to take her to my apartment for months. I never thought the moment would come but that night it happened.
Are you sure that’s what you want?
I couldn’t get the image of Chris sticking his tongue down her throat. But she was my girl wasn’t she?
Well I can’t drive with you on top of me like this.
She giggled as she climbed back into her seat. I listened the click of her seat belt then I started the engine and we left. We said nothing on the way to the apartment. The silence made me nervous. We’d never driven in silence before. I’d grown used to her constant chatter while we drove. I pulled into my parking spot and we walked to the apartment quickly. As I opened the door she became aggressive, kissing me frantically and pulling on my trousers. I thought we would probably cuddle for a bit but she seemed to want more tonight.
Her whisper seemed both desperate and excited. I didn’t know what she had planned but I was certain I’d enjoy it. She was my girl. The rest of the night was much of a blur but when I woke up her naked body was draped over mine on the bedroom floor. Her cheeks were flushed red and the warmth of her flesh made me excited. I tried to get up but she drew closer to me and I stayed put.
I love you.
The sound of her voice startled me. I didn’t realize she was already awake. I kissed her forehead and held her tight. Then the image of Chris locking lips with her filled my mind. I wanted to push her off but I loved her. I wanted to keep her.
I love you too.
It seemed silly to break off our 20 month relationship because of a little kiss. She loved me. I loved her. We were okay; no, we were great. I felt myself dozing into a deep sleep as I held onto her. She hurt me when she let him kiss her but I loved her anyway.
the misty morning dew
each moment i
spend loving you
you struck a nerve
gentle as it was
hidden as they were
and i wanted to
i loved you but
i couldn’t catch my breath
I want to be reckless
With you; fall in love with
You every single day
Til I die with you holding
Me. I want to play chess
With you; fight hopelessly with
You just to kiss and
Make up; be best friends
Won’t you let me
Won’t you try to meet halfway
Boy I need you
And I’m on my way
When I was nineteen I fell madly in love. I met him in the bleachers of our football field around 9 o’ clock on a Thursday night. We smiled nervously at each other as I shimmied by his legs with Diana. He winked at me and it was all I could think of for the rest of the rally. As soon as the final speaker walked across the stage that we could barely see from our crappy seats, I made my way back to him.
Hello I’m Allison, what’s your name?
He was a man of few words but infinite expressions. My face became flushed as he held my hand—the hand I’d shoved into his face while introducing myself.
What year are you?
I don’t go to this school.
He grinned as he let go of my hand and began to leave. I didn’t know what to say but I didn’t want him to go so soon.
Would you like to go to the diner with my friends and I tonight?
Umm, I don’t know.
We’re just going to have appetizers and desserts. You can share my wings.
Really? You didn’t strike me as the kind of girl to eat wings.
I smiled nervously. Then I tilted my head to the side as if to say “Well? what will it be?” And he nodded. I felt my heart do a somersault with delight as we walked to the parking lot.
Would you like to come in my car?
I wasn’t sure how to answer. I’d never gotten into a car with a complete stranger before so I didn’t know what to say.
Or did you drive yourself?
Diana had driven us to the rally tonight and she lived in the opposite direction from my house; so it seemed like the best idea to hitch a ride with James to the restaurant and if he turned out to be safe, he could drive me home.
I’ll come with you.
He held the door open to his bright yellow dodge neon with an all-black interior. It smelled like heaven or whatever scent of car freshener he’d been using at the time. I climbed in and set my feet on the dashboard, and old habit of mine I couldn’t seem to shake. He climbed in the driver’s seat and grinned at me again as he started the car.
Why do you keep grinning?
Why are your feet on my dashboard?
Oh I’m sorry…
Don’t be; I like the view.
I could feel my face getting hot. I was wearing daisy dukes because it was so hot. My legs were completely exposed and he wasn’t being shy at all. I didn’t move legs.
Where’s the diner?
Just a few miles up the road.
I can’t get over the fact that you like wings.
Most people can’t.
We pulled into the parking lot of the local diner. Diana and the rest of the crew were already inside. I waited until he opened my door and hopped out. He held my hand while we walked towards the entrance.
I think it’s weird that you’re holding my hand.
He loosened his grip and smiled nervously.
No, don’t stop.
That’s when he turned and pulled me close as he leaned in to kiss me. His lips were soft. I was glad that I’d put on my cherry chapstick moments before while I was in his car. He began kissing me gently but I could sense his passion as the vigor increased with every second.
Do you still want to eat those wings?
No, I want you to take me home.
sometime ago i learned
or heard that love
was an action
and i was smitten
when i realized
the meaning of the
act you’d been performing
all these years
i was serious when
i said i’d like
to inhale you
just for a little while
longer than the time
so that i might
carry your scent with me
wherever i go
until my lips are
sealed shut, and my breath is gone
you will be my moon
i’ll never tire of the sound
of your beating heart
as long as i
get to hear it
every single night
until i die
happily one day
after i’ve spent most of my
days of quality
i was dreaming of us
and the way we
managed to live
each other’s heart
and i almost
lost my breath
when i recognized
that you were
the man i
loved in my
those crazy eyes get
the best of me, like the sun
i get all nervous
when you call me baby or
sexy and it rains
Why do we insist on treating other animals better than humans?AR “people v. Other animals”